April 1st, 2025 - 04/01/25 09:41 PM
yeah i fell asleep last night ill try again tonight
but my parents got a stupid motion sensing light and they might wake up when i try ughhh
im gonna redo my blog system to be more like a public diary
ill have censors ████ ████ (like this) and not have post titles anymore, just dates
you cant undo the memories you have with me
i wish i could
i want to forget so badly you dont get it
this isnt to ANYONE in particular, whoever may be reading this, theres unfortunately alot of people
ill never know if it was me or them and that pains me
they assume that ill figure it out if i stop being so shallow
and i dont want to be even more shallow and blame it on my autism but if u think about it
its very likely i wont ever get it unless im told
and thats the only way ill ever improve the way you wish i did unless someone else does it first
im annoyiing and cringe asf i get it
i just want to have friends bruh
ill never stop feeling like an outcast yet more intelligent than every person im around
i know im intelligent but i drown myself in ego
yet i act like everyone should be looking out for me even tho i pretend im so self-dependent
im not self-dependent
ive just learned how to cope with being self-dependent
i need people, i need friends, i need connection, i crave it so bad
i only have a few online friends that i met in a discord server
but they arent really close
alot of them havent seen my face
when i say need connection i mean real genuine connection
real life connection
even someone talking to me, even people i hate, it makes my day
and it makes me feel so much better
there was this person in my class who used to infantalize me and treat me really awful
i think theyre misunderstood honestly
they talked to me more and i saw some level of humanity in them
honestly i dont know what i'll do
i cant live without people :(